eyes glued straight ahead. behind me is only salt.

here i am. once again at this point in my life where goodbye is so near. i have so many thoughts about the times to come but it's all jumbled in my mind. emotions tied so tightly that sorting them out is impossible. i'm getting used to these goodbyes and let-downs. which is niether good nor bad. my heart doesn't fully embrace relationships and experiences, but this does make things a lot easier to cope with when it's all said and done.

i'm just done with getting let down by people and circumstances. the past couple of monthes have taught me how to depend on myself. this was something that was needed in my life. to this extent? not sure if it's healthy or not. but it happened.

honestly i can say that i like being closed off a little. it's so much easier to not get hurt. i know that this sounds so empty but after you pour yourself in to an expereince as much as i did with london and then be so incredibly hurt as i have been left even 9 months after... it's just bound to happen.

looking back over everything that i have experienced, all the relationships made and lost, and time wasted i think i'm finally at the point where i can say that i'm not sad abour it, nor happy. it's just there. it happened. i will forever have the memories and scars.

what i'm left with is myself. my heart. my life. my future. these scars will no longer keep getting cut open. i hope my skin is strong enough now to handle whatever comes my way. no looking back. only forward.

lost... once again

this summer has been quite the experience. lots of highs and lows- but mostly highs. that doesn't really mean much now though.

i don't really know how to explain the emotions running through me at this moment. or the changes that have happened this summer. all i know is that once again this fall i will leave minnesota a different person. not really sure if these changes are for the good or bad. probably both i suppose.

there have definitely been some great things about this summer. my heart has filled with new friendships made and old friendships rekindled.

yet, my heart feels broken.
maybe never really healed from the start of spring semester.

i don't really know where this leaves me.