and the honeymoon period ends...

yup, i miss london.
so
so
so
much.

when can i go back? i guess i only have 53 days. but that's a long time to be separated from what you love. i really need to stop thinking in the past though, it's time to get on with the future. i just wish my future was on the other side of the atlantic.

the long awaited arrival in minnesota has taken place. back to the frozen tundra and brought the snow with me! crazy blizzard conditions taking place! well, it's different than i thought. because it's so normal it scares me a little bit to be home because this term changed me so much, that i don't feel like coming home should be normal. i've gotten pretty good at compartmentalizing my life in the past though, and i don't want to do that anymore. i want everyone to know about london and the person that i've become. i guess they probably will if i'm that concerned. and i guess i haven't really stopped talking about it and i've only been home for not even 24 hours.

God is so good. i'm not in tears, i'm not having a mental breakdown, i'm not depressed, and not needing to drown my sorrows in chocolate. i'm content. and happy. who would've thought? it's so good though. and i've already talked to some people from london, and it just made me so happy. i am so grateful for them.

this is quite a random post actually- i'm just rambling on and on.

so to sum up, I:
have arrived in MN.
have seen parents and talked their ears off about london.
miss my friends so so much.
have yet to have a Schwartzbauer girls reunion, but cannot wait. (i want to see that little baby in sarah's belly!)
am content here, God's peace is sustaining me.
am more thankful than i have ever been in my entire life for the past couple months.

God is good.

i will never forget

i am changed. for good.

i never want to forget the life that i have had the privilege of living here.

i will miss...

running over to a block to visit belle on a constant basis. my flatrep walking into my room whilst i was sleeping because he forgot that he now lives across the hall. mince pies. vineyard, htb, htb student group, vineyard student group, cu - and all in one week. the tube. the ridiculous 72 and always waiting for it. the amazing times walking to vineyard on sunday mornings with friends, and wednesday nights by myself. the cloudy days, and the amazingly clear ones. the rain. the after-cu parties. praying with wonderful people of God. walking roehampton lane worshiping God with my ipod. "430 to south kensington". my attempt at imitating english accents. jack singing as he passes my window. coughing in unison with belle. ben and jerry's. one tree hill. youtube videos with friends. exploding whales. hand tapping(?) game. jack's random videos. brenda and tracy's. the states game. southlands (till i die). paprika. the grand. fancy dress. sam mason. xx's. everything cu. the amazing leaders of it. bacon. baking with belle. london shopping. late nights in flat kitchens. david playing amazing spanish music or playing his saxophone in the kitchen. being called miley. my map. bundling up to go outside. the bop. english music. talking about God with great people. random skype chats. always having to find 50p's to do laundry. the walk from froebel to southlands at night. flat fb messages. avoiding the cleaner in the kitchen. sunday lunches. nathan's abuse. mike's excitement for everything. the beautiful roehampton campus. talking american politics. fez. asda. public transportation. getting lost in the beauty outside the window. my flatmates crazy antics. british music. nandos. the pub after HTB. the constant conversation about the differences between accents. seeing the sunset outside my window. playing in the snow with friends. not being able to cross the street properly. friends always offering prayer. looking at the london skyline at mike's kitchen.

well... there's more but i'm off to finish some things up.

i don't know how to contain this passion within me. God is so incredible. i have felt so different in the past five days than i ever have before. i can feel the Spirit of God with me all the time. which is amazing. the thing is- i don't know what to do with it. i feel ready to burst!

obviously it's a good thing. and i know what to do with it. i know that it's overflowing within me so that others can partake as well. but, well, its just the way to go about it that i'm not sure of. i guess the only thing i can do is thank God and ask Him to give me opportunities to serve Him and do His will. 

there are so many things that are up in the air in my life right now. and it's so scary, yet so exciting. after christmas day my life is pretty much an open book. its one of the scariest things that i've ever had to do. yet,  at the same time, i know that my God is with me. i know that every step is planned out. 

one hundred

i have officially been in Europe for 100 days. and i have loved every one. specifically London. i am truly truly blessed. and so thankful to God for this amazing gift. 


i don't ever know how i'm going to leave this place without feeling homesick everyday. it really has become my home. i haven't felt so at home in quite a long time. yet, i have to go live somewhere else for a year and a half before i can even think about coming back. 


God has put a love for this uni, city, country and people in my heart. and i don't think that it will ever go away. i feel so attached to this place. when i think about leaving it physically hurts. 


yet, it comforts me to know that Paul felt a love like this for different places and people as well. he wrote to the Philippians that he holds them in his heart and says,
 "how I yearn for you with the affectation of Christ Jesus."


this is how i feel about the time and relationships i have made here. they will never ever cease. these people are such a joy to me. i love them with all my heart. i feel so privileged and unworthy to call them friends. 

God is so good. there are no words to describe His goodness. i am so in awe of Him. He's working big time. i am about to break at the seams- He's filled me to overflowing. i just want to overflow for Him. there is nothing else. nothing else matters. all i want to do is what He wants me to do.


there's a force within me that's indescribable. my heart feels ready to burst out of my body. 


"Then you will call upon me and come and pray to me, and I will hear you. You will seek me and find me, when you seek me with all your heart. I will be found by you, declares the LORD" -Jeremiah 29:12-14


i have been seeking, and i have found Him. and i will continue, and He will continue to show Himself. God is mighty and powerful. and in control. He is more than i need. He is everything. i want Him to be everything. i want only to glorify Him.