it's when the newness wears off that the old feelings come back. 

i hate this. longing for more. i feel like all i want is more to my life. more meaning. more purpose. more of God's presence. but at the same time i'm holding myself back. i can't understand why i'm not moving forward. well, i know in some ways i really am. but its not fast enough! time goes faster and faster and my understanding and growth takes longer and longer.