a vapor in the wind

"come now, you who say, 'today or tomorrow we will go into such and such a town and spend a year there and trade and make a profit'— yet you do not know what tomorrow will bring. what is your life? for you are a mist that appears for a little time and then vanishes."

-james 4:13-14

a million different places

one year ago today was one of the hardest days of my life. when i had to say goodbye to london. it still hurts.

my heart needs a rest from all the trauma i've put it through the past couple years. i'm ready for something good.

i'm sick about talking about myself all the time... there are more important things to be worried about!

tomorrow is christmas eve, and i'm excited :)

so this is christmas.

as i sit here, i look out the window and the snow pours down. there is christmas music playing, and my home smells of pine and christmas cookies. i am one happy girl.
it's like they say: there's nothing like being home for the holidays.
i'm blessed!

when things don't work out it's easy to think that you're not worth it.
i have to just keep reminding myself that the Creator of the universe thinks i am.
he is and will always be my Good Shepherd.

pause. transition.

"home where my thought's escaping,
home where my music's playing,"

home.

home?

not really sure how to define that word anymore. 

in any case i'm back in minnesota (aka the frozen tundra).

and happy :)

i can always tell that it's about time to go home when i feel myself about to burst into tears multiple times a day.

life is complicated sometimes.
all i can say is that i'm excited to go home and hang out with my sisters.
everything is simpler there.

2 more days. just 2.

and somewhere around 2am it hits me.

this is real.

this book that i'm studying so methodically is real. He is real. it's so easy to forget as i study so intently to pass an exam.

YOU are real. Jesus, my Savior. You came to Earth. You came to die.
for me.
me.

for me to forget about you, for me to hurt you, for me to sin against you, for me to ignore you.
and yet. you want me still.

i ignore you, and you still seek.
i sin against you, and you still forgive.
i hurt you, and you cry out to me.
i forget about you, and you still love me.

my God, you died for me.
yet, how do i die for you?

my heart beats for a purpose that my Creator has yet to reveal.
my soul longs to be used for a mission greater than my own desires.

something is coming. i can literally feel it.
my hands are shaking, my heart is pounding, my is stomach flipping.

my hope is only that in whatever comes will be used for the Kingdom.

there is a density in the air that makes me breathe slowly.
my eyes are set on Him.

in the meantime?
breathe deeply, settle my heart and seek His will in all i do.

until that day...

The Vision - Pete Greig

http://www.24-7prayer.com/about/thevision-en


this is powerful. it's long, but read it. 

“When people hear good music, it makes them homesick for something they never had”
-Edgar Watson Howe