i guess at least the anxiety is because i love it here so much. better than having anxiety about hating it. i really really really just need to learn to trust God. it's just that my friends and relationships here are amazing. i miss them already, although i'm not gone. i'm just sick of wanting to cry all the time. i seriously feel like as it gets closer to leaving my heart is breaking more and more. i hate it. i can't handle it. well i can. with Him. but it literally is one of the hardest things i've ever had to do. and i know its silly, but it makes it harder because i'm pretty sure no one else completely understands. its like i've found something that i've been searching for my whole life, but now i have to leave it behind. and i don't know how to do that. i will get through. i just need God.
ya know... as i think about it. it's probably a good thing that i have to leave. it will teach me to only depend on God. and i need to be willing to give everything up for Him. i am giving it all up for Him. i will do it. and i need to do it willingly, and with my whole heart.
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